


Helping Out

by meowchela



Category: Sam & Max
Genre: M/M, everyone give it up for wingwoman sybil, our national hero, sam and max have clinical dumbass disease and she decided to help them how nice of her, takes place after the devils playhouse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 12:47:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19296055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowchela/pseuds/meowchela
Summary: Sybil sees her neighbors are having some trouble with their love life. She decides to give them a hand by playing matchmaker.





	Helping Out

It was a normal day in Sybil Pandemik’s office. A jazzy song played quietly over the radio as Sybil worked on filling out paperwork for her newest job. The newton’s balls on her desk clacked gently against each other. She felt good about being back to some normalcy. After getting married, having her honeymoon, and being on maternity leave for however long it takes a stone-human hybrid baby to go through the infant and toddler stages, Sybil really did miss her life on straight street, and she was glad to be back. Especially since her office had been rebuilt and she could finally get back to focusing on her career, whichever one she was filling out forms for now.  
At least, she _wanted_ to focus on her career, but a certain three-foot-tall lagomorph was making that incredibly difficult with his constant rambles about his partner.  
“...and his eyes, have you SEEN them? They’re even more beautiful when there’s an explosion reflected in them...especially one that we caused! And don’t even get me started on-”  
“Max,” Sybil said, looking up from her paperwork. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but could you please quiet down just a little bit? The noise is hindering my concentration.”   
“But I have to tell _somebody_ about my infatuation with Sam,” Max protested, “The plot demands it!”  
Sybil just gave him an unamused look, which Max returned for a few seconds before giving up.  
“Well, this got boring fast. I’m going to Bosco’s old place to see if there’s still any groceries in the abandoned store.” And with that, the lagomorph left the shop, and Sybil had peaceful silence once more.  
She worked silently for a good few minutes before someone else walked in.  
“Sorry, we’re closed-” Sybil started once she saw the door open, but she was surprised to see the other half of the freelance police standing in her doorway. “Sam? What brings you here?”  
Sam looked sheepish. He was holding onto his hat with both of his hands in front of his chest, a sure sign of nervousness that Sybil couldn’t help but notice with her professional eye.   
“I’m coming to ask for some...advice,” Sam started cautiously, “It’s a field I know you have experience with, so I figured you’d be the best person to help me out here.”  
Now this was interesting. Sybil had experience in a vast number of fields. He could be talking about nearly anything.  
Paperwork could wait a few minutes.  
“Alright then,” Sybil said, “Have a seat and tell me what’s on your mind.”  
Sam shuffled over to the couch and had a seat. He sat there silently for a moment or so, probably choosing his words, before speaking up.  
“I appear to have fallen in love with someone.”   
Sybil raised an eyebrow. Even though she knew, she still asked, “Oh? Who’s the object of your affections?"  
Wait for it.  
Sam took a breath. “...It’s Max.”  
There it is. This is literally the least unexpected possible outcome, but Sybil still acted shocked.   
“I’m telling you this because I don’t know what to do. You’re married with a kid, so clearly you’ve got this kind of thing down on lock. I kind of want to ask him out, but if it isn’t requited, then it’ll make things weird between us, and our current relationship is too good to mess up.”  
Ah, the classic not-wanting-to-ruin-our-friendship trope. A valid and nice sentiment, but extremely frustrating when you know both parties are in love with each other and just not realizing it, so the risk is actually not there at all.   
Sybil hummed, pretending to think. “Well, with enough communication, the awkwardness can be averted,” said Sybil, “Why don’t you just ask him? He just might like you back, you know.” Hint, hint.  
Sam shook his head. “I don’t have any evidence of that.”   
Oh please, Sybil thought to herself, If he was here just a few minutes earlier he would have more evidence than he would know what to do with. If only there was a way to get them together to discuss it on their own.  
Then Sybil remembered something she studied for her career in matchmaking that can be a very useful tool for situations like these.   
“Say, how about you meet my husband and I for lunch? We could answer more of your questions with our combined knowledge. It’ll be a great way to help you out!”   
Sam’s face brightened. “Hey, yeah! You and Abe could help me get better at flirting, or whatever it is that people do to...'woo' each other. What time?”  
The two spent the next few minutes planning the outing, and after the plans were set, Sam said goodbye and left the shop.   
Sybil sighed a breath of relief. Her plan was working! She just needed to take care of one more little detail.  
The walk over to Bosco’s was easy. The difficult part is figuring out how to get inside of the abandoned store. Bosco was notorious for keeping everything under wraps and making sure everything was kept secret and locked up tight. Sybil wondered how Max even got inside.  
Just as the thought crossed her mind, a foot popped out of a hole in the door she hadn’t noticed before. The other foot followed, then a tail, and there was the rest of Max, with an armful of chips and other various junk food that was probably expired. Sybil could hear some alarm going off inside the store.  
After adjusting all of the snacks to fit in his small arm span, Max looked up. “Sybil? Are you here to loot the store too? Sorry to say, I already got everything good.”  
“No, I’m not here to…’loot’ anything,” Sybil clarified, “I’m here to invite you to lunch.”  
Max’s eyes widened in fake shock. “Sybil, you are a married woman!” He joked.  
“That’s not what I mean. I just want a night for us to catch up. It has been a while since we’ve seen each other.”  
“True,” Max said. “You could’ve just said you wanted to invite me to girl’s night. Also, you could’ve told me earlier. Now I have to ditch these snacks all over the office floor and Sam’s going to have to scold me for it.”  
“I’m sure Sam will be okay with a few chips on the floor,” Sybil said.  
“Well,there _are_ worse things on out office floor than just some lousy chips....I'm in! Tell me the time and place so we can get gabbin’!” Max said. “I’ve picked up so much gossip from things I’ve overheard on the streets I’m practically bursting to say it all!”  
Sybil told him the info she had discussed with Sam earlier (without telling Max that Sam would be there) and she even wrote it down for him because she knew he would forget. Once he had the information, he took it as well as the snacks back to the office.  
Now the plan was set into motion. Sybil just had to be there to make sure it went well.  
She rushed back to her office and made sure the sign said closed. Once inside, Sybil started pondering how she would disguise herself. Maybe looting Bosco’s store would have been a good idea, knowing his penchant for disguises. There had to be at least one in the back room he hadn’t used. Sybil shook the thought out of her head. She had to use whatever she had in her office now, otherwise the pair would get suspicious. She looked around the office, peeking in cabinets, rummaging around her purse, and all she found was a pair of round, white sunglasses and a hoodie. This would have to do. She took her hair out of its bun and opted for twin braids instead. She swapped her regular glasses out for the sunglasses, donned the hoodie, and even put the hood up for good measure. She looked at herself through a small mirror she kept in her purse. It wasn’t that much of a disguise, but knowing Sam and Max, she looked different enough from her usual self that they would just write her off as just another civilian. At least she hoped they would. She took a deep breath and headed out. There’s no way she would miss this.   
Just as she pulled into the parking lot, she saw Sam get out of the DeSoto. He looked up and his eyes met Max’s, who had also just arrived.  
“Sam?” Max said, clearly confused. “What are you doing here?”   
“Oh, I, uh,” Sam stuttered. Sybil guessed he didn’t want to let Max know that he was coming here to get dating advice that he was planning to use on him. “I figured I’d stop by here for lunch.”  
“Weird that you’d choose this place since we’ve never been here before, but I’ll buy it,” Max said.  
Sam put his hands on his hips. “You’re one to talk. What’s your business here?”   
“I was going to meet someone here to gossip but I don’t see her anywhere,” Max said as he looked around the parking lot. “How about we just go in together and wait for her?”  
“Can’t think of a reason not to,” Sam said, and then they went inside.  
That was Sybil’s cue to get out of her car and follow them. She kept them in her sights until she ran into the host.  
“Name please?” The host said.  
“Sybi- I mean, uh.” Sybil struggled to think of a name on the spot. “Artie Flopshark.”  
The host wrote it down, then gestured toward the tables. “Have a seat.”   
Sybil thanked the host and looked around the restaurant until she spotted Sam and Max sitting together in a booth.   
“So, who _were_ you planning to meet today, Max?” Sam said.   
“Sybil,” said Max, “I wanted to gossip with her but I guess she forgot.”  
“Well, she still has time to show up.” Sam looked directly at Sybil. “Hey, that might even be her now!”  
Max looked over and shook his head. “That’s not Sybil, Sam. Sybil would never wear braids and clout goggles with a hoodie like that. She’s too old. That’s probably some depressed teenager trying to get away from the horrific reality that is life during high school for a few short hours.”  
Sybil didn’t know if she should be insulted that Max thinks she isn’t with the trends or proud that her disguise worked. Either way, she chose a two person table that she could see them from and sat down there. She picked up a menu and pretended she was focusing on it.  
A waitress walked up to the freelance policemen, unaware of the havoc they could wreak. “Welcome to The Clothes Store. Would you like to try our soup special?”   
“No thank you,” Sam said, “I still have to look at my menu.”  
“Okay,” the waitress said, “I’ll give you two some time. I’d just like to let you know that couples get a 25% discount.”  
Sam got a nervous smile on his face. “Oh, we’re not dating-”  
“But we don’t have to pay as much if we are..” Max said, thinking. He turned to Sam, a big grin on his face. “Hey, wanna date me?”  
“What?” Sam said, going red.   
“We won’t have to pay as much if we’re dating!” Max said. “I’m in love with you anyway, so I might as well use this as an outlet to ask you.”  
“You’re in love with me?” Sam said.  
Max froze. “Oh. Did I say that last part out loud?”  
Sam smiled warmly at him. “I guess it wouldn’t be weird for me to tell you i am also in love with you,”  
“Oh,” Max said, blushing a bit now himself, “Really?”  
“Yup,” Sam said. “I almost wasn’t going to ask you out since I thought you didn’t like me and it would’ve made things awkward, but...I guess that’s not the case.”  
“Hooray,” the waitress deadpanned, unenthusiastically throwing heart-shaped confetti onto the two of them. “You figured out your tangled relationship issues. Now are you going to order or can I go on break?”  
“Right, Sorry ma’am,” Sam said. He and Max ordered, and then the waitress took their menus and left.  
Sybil smiled. Her plan worked, better than expected even. She couldn’t wait to go home and tell Abe.  
Maybe she should give matchmaking a second chance.


End file.
